It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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