Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
