dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
