Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
