She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
