No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
