just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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