so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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