I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
