it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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