He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
