I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
