East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
