since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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