im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
