shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
