3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
