Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
