Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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