he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
