I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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