I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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