She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
