dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize