Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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