We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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