Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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