You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
