you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
