just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
