I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently you make a good broom.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
