Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
