Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize