Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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