Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
