So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
