ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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