i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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