lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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