bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Do vagina's smell?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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