dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
