i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize