We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
