I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
