he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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