i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
