He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
