im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
