Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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