you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
