My friends, they love my intelligence
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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