Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your penis caused this!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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