obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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