Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize