wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
