Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
