I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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