There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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