I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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