Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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