I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
