I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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