If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
