He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
